This is your brain on drugs.

I have taken up Bikram Yoga because I live in LA and when in Rome and also I give a shit about my body so lay off. Anyway, Bikram Yoga is done in a heated room, like 100 degrees-and-I'm-talking-fahrenheit, and classes are 90 minutes long. So, as you might imagine, I basically start to go insane during class. Last week I went to class with Bryan (sidenote: it's kind of gross how much time he and I can spend together) and afterwards on line to get Iced Green Teas at Starbucks (LA, bitches!) we had this conversation:

Me: Do you think about weird shit during class?
Bryan: Duh.
Me: Today, for, I think about an hour, I just thought about Britney Spears. Like, do I feel sorry for her or am I about ready for that tragic ending to be written?
Bryan: Today I thought about this: (singing) "Oh this is lady's night, and the feeling's right. Oh what a night." 90 minutes. On a loop.
Me: Whoa.
Bryan: I know.

Crunk Ain't Dead

Actually, I have several.

My knapsack brings all the boys to the yard.

EB and I have been writing all day and both feel a little insane. We have an ongoing game where we try to gross each other out by using disgusting terms to label our privates. I just referred to my vagina as a "knapsack." He is no longer speaking to me.

Guitar Hero

I'm in.

I miss my NYC ladies...

...because they tell it like it is.

I was talking to my friend Julie last night and she had this to say:

"A guy being honest about not being able to be in a relationship does not deserve a round of applause. It's like a chef telling you he washed his hands before he made you a shit sandwich. The guy and the chef are trying to sugar coat it, but they are both saying the same thing: Eat shit."

This Week's "Weekly Low"

I did both a lot of drinking and a lot of damage this past week so there are a myriad of things to choose from. But let's go with this:

Lying in bed last night I read US Weekly and In Touch Weekly, then tried to read Entertainment Weekly but decided it was "too wordy" and went to bed instead.

Quoted.

Paris Hilton plus this equals a good day at the office.

Full disclosure: my boss helped me come up with the quote by coming up with the entire thing. But still.

Fireworks, or a lack thereof.

I was hanging out with my friend Brian last night. I was hot, I was tired, and I was in a mood. He just e-mailed me a snippet of our conversation, what he deems the highlight of our 4th of July celebration.

Brian: You're making me uncomfortable right now.
Me: Well, 80% of the time you make everyone around you uncomfortable.
Brian: This is boring.
Me: You're boring.

I went to bed early and slept through my neighbors shooting off an excessive amount of bottle rockets. God bless America, right ladies?

For My Family: The only people who read my blog and the only people who haven't seen this yet.

Nice.

Keely was painting the other day and asked my sister what she thought of the painting.

My sister: Keely, that is gorgeous.
Keely: Mommy, I am very hurt and disappointed by what you just said.
My sister: Really?
Keely: Yes. Next time, just say that it looks nice.
My sister: Gorgeous is another word for nice. A nicer word for nice.
Keely: No. Nice is a nicer word for nice.