Todorable

Picture It: Los Angeles, 2006.

I am driving with Katie in tow; we’re listening to the radio, a Melissa Etheridge song comes on.

Amy: Do you ever…

Katie: Hear a song on the radio and imagine myself in a bar, with a full band, singing the song? Yes.

Amy: Right. And you’re wearing a white tank top and jeans and high heeled boots. And your arms are totally cut.

Katie: Obviously.

Amy: Like Jackie Joyner-Kersee arms. And your ex-boyfriend is there.

Katie: Right. And after you sing he is crying and is like, “You’re amazing. Please take me back.” And you tell him to go fuck himself.

Amy: Totally… Except sometimes I end up taking him back.

Katie: Really?

Amy: I know. Leave me alone.

Long pause.

Katie: Old Navy has really good jean skirts right now.

Amy: We should totally go.

You love someone long enough, they're bound to disappoint you...

Even still, I almost rented this the other day.

Talk to the hand.

My friend had the brilliant idea of hiring a palm reader to come to his birthday party last week. Love it.

Anyway, I had my palm read and was amazed at how specific she was. The first thing she told me was that when I was 12 I suffered a blow to the head* that altered my mental capacities. Essentially she told me I am retarded. The rest of the reading was a blur.

* I didn't.