The Justin Timberlake Experience: Family Edition

The Justin Timberlake Experience was so much fun that I figured why not include my family in the experiment. Also, I knew I would get some interesting answers since my family is basically insane.

The question: Do you know who Justin Timberlake is? I think he is a singer?

My Mom: I had to call my mom because she does not do text messaging. She hates when I start a phone conversation with, “I have a question.” It makes her nervous. I think she worries that I am going to ask something horrible like, “How do I give myself a homemade abortion?” Anyway, here is what she had to say, “Yes. He is in the news because he is, like, a jerk. He is a young guy and a jerk. I don’t know why he is a jerk. Oh I know why I know his name. He did something bad to Michael Jackson’s sister. I don’t know what he looks like, though. (Pause.) Did I say something wrong?”

My Dad: I called him at work. I know his boss was standing right next to him, which made it more exciting for me. He said, “Yes. He is a singer. He used to date Britney Spears before she had all her troubles. A few years ago he bared Janet Jackson’s breast during The Superbowl. He just started a film career and is getting good reviews for his new movie. (Pause.) Am I being recorded? (Another pause.) Is this for some sort of joke? Why did you ask me that, Amy?” Then I hung up on him. I felt sort of bad but also he kind of deserved it for using the term, “bared Janet Jackson’s breast.” How gross can you get, Dad?

My Sister: My sister talks about my niece and the students at the school where she is a principal and that’s about it. And even though she only has two conversation topics in her arsenal she can go all day. It’s amazing. I texted her and she called me straight away and said this, “The students at my school are staging a protest. They’re doing a walk-out during third period and I have been on the phone all day about it. Isn’t that crazy? (NO Pause.) Why did you send me that text? (NO Pause.) Keely has a dance recital next week, are you coming? So anyway, the protest is kind of a big deal.”

My Brother: My brother is a scientist with a sense of humor. Who knew. In Three Companeros, my Lance Armstrong-Jake Gyllenhaal- Matthew McConaughey play, there is a storyline where Sheryl Crow keeps calling Lance. There are also several “Brokeback Mountain” references. After my family saw the show my brother asked my dad if he knew who kept calling Lance during the play and my dad said, “Heath Ledger.” Seriously? What the fuck? Anyway, my brother just texted me back, “Heath Ledger.” When my dad party fouls our motto is: Never forget.

Domi, My Brother-in-Law: Since Domi is not blood related he is my favorite family member. Also, he is as close to normal as a Rhodes can get. I called him and asked him and he said, “Yes. He was in the boyband ‘NSync but broke off and has a solo career now.” Domi is what I call a good egg in a bad family-in-law situation.

Keely, My Niece: Keely will be three years old in May. She’s smart about some things, like counting to 18, but when it comes to other things she is on the cusp of retarded. I called her and asked her and she screamed, “I don’t know!” Then she threw the phone. Why you gotta be a bitch? Then she got back on the phone and said, “Shaquile O’Neill.” Uh, ohhhhhkay.